Mommy Workout

August 25, 2011

To take full advantage of the mommy workout here are some crucial steps to getting your exercise in- the more children the better! Who needs a gym or fancy DVDs?

First to start your day pick up two toddlers and have a four year old clinging to your leg as you drag him down the stairs.

Repeat on other side when going back up the stairs for forgotten items

Next chase and wrestle infants to change diapers and get dressed

Lift and secure in highchairs.

Eat small pieces of leftover waffles, (floor & partially chewed pieces included) apples or berries as you are trying to make sure the children eat.

Sneak a drink out of their eyesight (diet coke or rock star depending on how bad your eyes hurt)

If you haven’t already began to break a sweat leave all the doors, gates and closets open to increase your cardio when trying to retrieve toddlers and prevent them from poisoning or hurting themselves in other creative manners

For a water break leave toilet seats up and dog water bowl accessible. Children will gladly splash you to cool off

If you crave a swim leave water cooler button accessible and glasses of water within their reach.

To improve fine motor skills- change about 14 diapers a day, and wipe a preschoolers bottom and force him to wash hands at lest twice a day

To really increase the workout while children are playing attempt to pick up toys on the floor faster than they can dump them out

(Just realize how futile it is and cleaning is just for triceps).

Then try to take a bathroom break while toddlers are clinging to your legs and pulling your pants down. Then try to shut the door without smashing their body parts.

Then for mediation try to find a quiet place while they are on the other side of the door screaming. Listen to your stream of pee to help you relax.

Then try to get out of the bathroom without knocking them over, ready to pick up both of them and comfort them for taking your moment of silence.

If more silence is needed then offer milk bottles while holding one and having the other pulling at your leg as you drag them thought the kitchen. Switch babies and legs and repeat for effectiveness.

If feeling particularly ambitious meet your sister at the mall with five kids between the two of you and one stroller that at best can hold three of them. Let them terrorize play place at mall until a fight breaks out.

For added mileage to your run let at least two of them out to run free.

For backside toning let all of them out at stride rite so they can pull every shoe off the displays and run out of store with a handful of unpaid merchandise. Retrieve shoes and place back where they went. Strap at least two screaming children in stroller and wrestle the other one into baby carrier and force handhold. Then once needed errands are done take all five kids back to said sister’s house and feed dinner. Eat crumbs, pieces and leftovers on the countertops for portion control.

Then teaming up with sister- one bathes and washes all the kids then the other diapers, lotions and wrestles with pajamas. Then make five milk cups for children and place movie on large screen TV. Pick up toys for second to last time and try to sweep floors.

After movie and children still awake at 9 pm wrestle to get kids into car and home in own beds.

This completes the workout.

Cool down is taking all three sleeping kids out of the car and placing into own beds. Then cleaning out all the bottles, dirty clothes and other random items from car. Then the last task is to run the washer. Best thing about this workout is that it is different everyday. Just don’t expect to shower until after everyone is asleep and the chores are done.

Sounds like fun doesn’t it? This was one of my days off with the kids.

Do you people see why I work to stay sane?