October 2, 2010
I cannot believe it is October already! I haven’t been able to blog because Justin was in Chicago for five days & I was playing single Mother (with Barbara’s help of course)! He is home safely, and boy are we glad! Whew!
The babies had their four-month shots on Tuesday, which also happened to be my first day of school!
Here are their stats, (keep in mind their adjusted age is 2 months old)
Heidi @ 18 weeks weighed 12 lbs & 8 oz! What a pipsqueak! She is
24 ½ inches long, and her head circumference is 39.5 cm.
Garrett @ 18 weeks, (who feels about five pounds heavier than Heidi) weighs 13 lbs & 9 oz. He is 24 ¾ inches long with a head circumference of 40.5 cm.
They both cried quite a bit this time after their shots, & Garrett projectile vomited all over the Medical Assistant after she gave him his oral vaccination. The kid hates oral meds, what can I say?
Heidi calmed down shortly after we got home, but Garrett cried every time I put him down. They have been sleeping through the night now for about three weeks, but the night after their shots Garrett would not sleep unless I was holding him in the breastfeeding position!
It was really hard to stay up all night after I am finally able to sleep! Glad we made it through that stage!!
I am getting back into the swing of my previous life- work, school & playing house. Only problem is now that I have changed. I am a different person than I used to be. I am not sure what happened. Maybe it was the Nicu experience, maybe it was finally trying to let go of the control in my life & really turn it over to God…
I just know that now I do not look at things the same & I have different goals than before. I even dropped one of my classes because it was too much work! I took the easy route & now am taking an online religion! I can complete my coursework at whatever hour the urge (or deadline) strikes me! The other class I am taking is Statistics-which I love. I know it is sick & twisted to love math- but numbers never lie!
I will be working again full time night shift starting in the beginning of November. I am really nervous about going back to work. I lost that edge I had, I am a little more sensitive than I used to be.
This will serve me well everywhere outside of work but not when I am trying to cope with taking care of really sick & dying kids on the PICU. I think I will cry more when my patients die, maybe even at the thought of it. How am I going to be removed from it this time, to separate myself from the tragedies? Stop myself from putting on those Mom’s shoes? That setting may hit a little too close to home, not sure how I did it before?
I am still not sure how I will manage all of it. I guess as women & mothers we just do it, without thinking about it, without planning, without a doubt we can accomplish what we need to because there is no other choice. I have been at home alone with all three kids the past three days. It is good for me to get into a groove with them. I’m not gonna lie- it was by far the most difficult thing I have ever done. I have never worked so hard in my life- that doesn’t include the housework that needed to be done after the kids went to bed or the papers I needed to write. It was pure childcare- feeding, playing, changing, rocking, and trying to entertain curious Carter. Whatever crazy idea some people have that stay at home Moms don’t do anything- should stay home & care for children for a few days alone & they will change their mind! It is more work, more frustrating, more tiring, more challenging than any job out there!
Kudos to you other Mom’s committed to caring for your children full time. I am weak. I have to get out of the house. I do not have that never ending patience & benevolence!
Speaking of benevolence…
Little Carter man has been so sweet to his brother & sister lately. There has been a lot more crying since I have been home alone. I am one person with only two arms. I know that I can’t do it all and that my best will have to make do. Carter is trying to help me with them. He wants to read them stories, tells them that he will pick them up in a second, that he is getting their bottle ready, etc (basically imitating whatever we say to them)! I love what an amazing big brother he is to them! He seems to be talking even more- giving me longer explanations for things as a method for convincing me to allow him whatever it is that he thinks he needs.
Last night he wanted another Popsicle after dinner. He told me “Mom, I am just not full yet, my tummy needs another Popsicle to be full. How do you know that doesn’t need one? Can you tell me?” Haha. Smart kid. Using what we do on him to get him to understand things.
I get a kick out of his everyday sayings. This morning he was getting upset- asking for a Starbucks (he meant starburst candy), he wanted to know where my purse was so he could get them. I told him no- not until after church. He then goes up to Garrett (who was crying), and said “Garrett stop crying, I am just in a bad mood right now, so stop it, that is enough. I’m having a bad mood, just listen to me”. Wonder where he got that one? J
While we were driving to church Justin told me that he loves me. Carter said, “No Daddy, I’m sorry, but you can’t love Mommy, I do”
(Got to love my boys)
Or when I was bathing him I stuck my feet in the tub to rinse them off. He rubbed my leg and said, “ooh mommy that is spiky like a cactus, it pokes me!” (Guess I needed to shave)? Too funny. Out of the mouths of babes. It is now feeding time at the ranch.
Until next time…
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