The Have to’s & the want to’s

March 21, 2011

The Have to’s & the want to’s

Why is it so often in motherhood, life and at work the “have to’s & the want to’s frequently interchange, leaving you trying to figure out if what you are doing is out of wanting to or having to? For example- do I stay up all night to work because I have to or want to?

Both maybe? Do I change dirty diapers because I have to or want to? Most often I think that we are motivated by the consequence or outcome of our actions- I want to work because I like a place to live, I change dirty diapers because I want my children to be comfortable & I don’t want to smell it! Too bad we cannot alter the outcomes just based on what we want. Maybe that is possible in a fairy tale? Can I visit there?

It is also true that still knowing the outcome we make choices not to do it even if we have to or partly want to. Like not exercising or eating healthy. Like not doing the laundry or the dishes. We are still stuck with the crappy outcome of dirty clothes, dishes and being chubby. I wish that my commitments- to work, school and kids were purely motivated by want to. A lot of times that is not the case, I am under the pressure of have to even though I do not want to. I guess if we were coming up with a definition for this description it would be somewhere in the committed, dedicated, determined part of the dictionary. Once you make a decision (according to me) you follow through, there is no bail out or quitting because it is hard. Maybe stubborn is another word for this?

I am just not a minimalist, maybe a maximalist (it sounds more unique anyways). I want my cake, ice cream and to eat it too. I hate that saying- of course we want our cake and WANT to eat it! Lame.

Lately I fell like having three kids is hard. Two crawling, talking VERY CURIOUS babies have added more challenges and exhaustion to the equation; no amount of preparation would have helped me get it! It is exponential, not double the trouble. At least no one has fallen down the stairs yet! Off the bed yes, hit heads on cupboards yes, pulled things off tables and hit heads yes, eaten, swallowed and attempted choking on unknown things, yes. You get my point.

Being a grown up the want to’s are determined in order of importance and necessity of the have to’s- whether one is feeling overwhelmed or at a cross roads in sorting out the have to’s and want to’s, trying to decide which outcome in the long run is better. I am the worst at decision-making. I need God to literally write it on the wall for in a not so subtle way. Maybe if I lent him some crayons?