Superwoman outbreak!

September 17, 2010

Superwoman epidemic has broken out in homes all across America. This superbug that was first seen in the 1950’s has made a comeback & is highly contagious. Those at risk are Mother’s & women of childbearing age, (this includes the over ambitious twenty something’s).

This bug has varying degrees of severity, depending on the source it was contracted from.

The most common sources are from magazines such as Good housekeeping, Pottery Barn, Parenting magazines & books, HGTV, Electrolux commercials with Kelly Ripa, all diet & weight loss commercials, & Victoria secret commercials & catalogs.

Some women may be exposed while interacting with other Mom’s at daycares, work, schools, PTA meetings, pools & sporting events.

Those exposed in these areas are highly virulent & difficult to treat because of repeat exposures. Resistance to previous treatments has been seen in these groups.

The most severe forms if left untreated require quarantine. The patient must be removed from the house, chores, work & other areas of life that exacerbate the disease.

It is vey important in the diagnosis & treatment to be able to recognize the symptoms.

If you or someone you know has any of the following:

1. Preoccupation with cleanliness in the home. The patient may stay up all hours of the night to scrub floors or fold laundry. Never able to complete the task successfully.

2. Delusions of grandeur. Enough said.

3. Overscheduled activities’ for the family, & unable to meet all obligations with all hair on her head intact.

4. Feelings of guilt, & being overwhelmed which lead to trying to do more, which causes a disconnect from reality.

5. Trying to outpace the Jones’ without even realizing it

6. Her child’s birthday party is as smoothly executed as the Electrolux commercial.

7. She wears sexy lingerie to bed each night accenting her firm boobs & flat stomach. (Not the boobs resembling shriveled up avocados & a watermelon belly on a post baby body). Legs and armpits always shaved & lotion applied.

8. Lets not forget being able to eat whatever she wants & never gaining weight.

9. Has dinner ready on the table each night with happy children sitting calmly at table ready to greet daddy after he gets home from work (Think 1950’s)

10. Maintaining a full time job & being successful in the workplace

11. Never sick, grumpy or cross at her children. Claims to never be tired when in reality she is exhausted beyond words.

12. Has mad skills like a fairy God mother in Cinderella

Although there is no cure, an intensive treatment has recently been developed to help alleviate the worst symptoms.

Recommended options include, but are not limited to:

1. Quarantine from the woman’s house, career & chores in the home. It is highly recommended that she not do laundry, cook or dress like a sex kitten until the uncontrollable urge to carry the universe on her shoulders has passed.

2. A relaxing week or two of pedicures, manicures, massages & breakfast in bed is a great way to alleviate the most pressing symptoms.

3. Excessive UNDISTURBED sleep during normal nocturnal hours helps to ease the delirium many superwomen suffer from

4. Husband takes care of the kids by himself for at least 98% of the time during treatment while woman indulges in retail therapy.

5. A massage at a spa at least once during treatment. To prevent symptoms from reoccurring weekly massages are considered to be most effective for long-term treatment. It helps to reverse the effects the disease has on the body

6. She stays in her pajamas at least twice a week & watch TV in a cluttered home with dirty dishes in the sink. While receiving reality TV therapy she should watch shows such as Jon & Kate plus 8, Quints by surprise, & raising sextuplets should alleviate any acute exacerbations.

7. Husband should cook for Family.

8. Having a loving support network- such as a Mom, Mother in law, sister or close friends available to offer support & participate in spa therapy improves chances of remission.

9. Ice cream helps ease every woe

10. Have a date night with spouse with free childcare.

Though treatment may be long & a difficult process it is necessary to find the option that works best for you. Repeat as often as necessary to get the best results.

Do you get my point? :)