Forgetting

Forgetting

June 13, 2011

The usual happenings are filling our lives up lately.

So much that I have forgotten a few things

Namely how to be Laura

I’m sure this temporary amnesia happens to other people too

But it just dawned on me that I have been wrapped up in so much lately I lost sight of who I am

I am stuck in front of this one tree that is obstructing my view of the forest.

Being almost 30-ish has its perks.

Like being able to pick up and go to Target.

I am sure I am their best customer.

Lame example but right now that is all I got.

Otherwise lately 30-ish sucks

It reeks of a mid life crisis

Maybe not but…

I have forgotten to have fun and it is no fun at all.

To laugh

To play

To be me

The feisty quick witted overactive me

I forgot how to cope

To work out

To write

To communicate

To be creative

To visit with friends

I’m all work

Too focused on the goal of Justin being finished so we can live our lives.

I’m putting too much on hold

But by doing so I am missing out on so much.

This realization has me a bit ticked off.

There is no one to blame but me.

My eyes have always been bigger than my stomach.

Sometimes I forget to chew.

I damn near choke to death.

That is where I am at now.

Damn near choking off of everything I have bitten off.

The recent usual life stresses are really irritating to me.

Like getting a flat tire on the freeway on my way to my niece’s 1^st birthday. Missing the cake.

And having to be towed because I took out the wheel lock not knowing what it was on the

ONE occasion I actually cleaned out the car

Add some other not so pleasant life events to boot and I have the worst attitude right now.

WHY??!

I have nothing to complain about.

I have everything in life I could want & need

Except quality time to foster my relationships and friendships

It’s my fault.

Lately I have been sticking my head in a book reading about other fairy tales and others troubles instead of dealing with my own.

Life is fragile.

Life is too quick to waste thinking only about the future

Justin’s grandpa died a few weeks ago after a few tragic events that left him essentially brain dead and lingering in a miserable position.

He had a peaceful passing with all of us at home on hospice care.

Things like that make me examine myself and wonder what choices I am making that are not so great.

A bit of damage control is needed.

I feel like I can’t keep saying that having twins is hard and I still haven’t figured out how to handle live with three kids, a full time career & a husband in his residency.

I feel like we have handled so much like pros that this shouldn’t throw such a kink in things.

But for me it has.

Big time.

So I have no resolution right now just some soul searching and new priorities.

Till I figure it all out.

Or at least until someone else does